Triggers

Triggers are great in intensity and it makes you hit the gas so hard you don’t care how fast you are going. You turn it on feeling the adrenaline rush, the euphoria and instant short release of the world.

In this moment you are Zeus a Greek god, full of strength and accountability. You are now enough to be anything you aspire. Even when the mind brings you to black out and regret, it is an escape that feels so releasing that dread washes over when you awake from a dream you wish you could stay in forever.

The brain is so powerful by itself, I wish someone had informed me this before I set out for this kind of fun.

It is hard to want to stop.

Even if your life is on the line.

When has suicidal tendencies become to normal? When did it switch…

I know when it switches.

When you feel the phantom pain. The pain of many pains ago, and though they are far gone in the past- somehow the feelings are imprinted in the brain as if branded.

Now I face this sadness, and it is a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Dr. Jekyl is intelligent, confident and reliable, honest and quite a gentleman in his demeanor. Than there is Hyde, that fucking scoundrel, lies, and cheats. He is amoured by his ability to sneak about, doing what he wants to no matter how much he’ll have to pay. He lives for the adventure of life, so much so in fact that his curiosity is insidious- and wants only to have chaotic, mind altering fun than to bother with success.

There comes a point where one takes over the other…

Who is going to live, and who is going to die. One has to go, because the relationship between the two is not compatible. No man will settle to bare the other. This is how when one develops addition, they battle the crisis of both characters who are so determined to defeat the other.

It is obvious who should win.

When both men agree.

Me.